Philosophy and spirituality- they’re two topics which I’ve been doing an awful lot of research into lately, and, in turn, they’re topics which have been taking up most of, if not all of, my head space.
What started off as nothing more than an interest in these things has become an all-consuming, never ending pursuit into the unknown, a pursuit where, for every question I have, ten more are conjured up by my mind.
Such a constant need I’ve had to answer the inherently unanswerable that, recently, I’ve found myself losing interest in anything ‘other.’ To be more specific, I’ve been struggling to find a ‘point‘ in anything other…
My research into spirituality and, most notably, the concept of everything being ‘one’, has led me to experience very much unwanted feelings of, what I can only describe as ‘Nihilism’ (i.e. The belief that life at its core is, ultimately, ‘meaningless’).
Initially, this belief in a oneness with everyone and everything was a comforting one, instilling within me a sense of peace and awe at the miracle that is life. Unfortunately though, the very nature of philosophy and spirituality, whereby there are too many questions and too few answers (and, even the answers that do come into fruition are too complex for us, with our human minds, to fully understand), has caused my mental health to suffer as a result.
To ensure that my mental health doesn’t go into further decline, I’ve made the decision to ‘draw a line’ under my research into philosophy and spirituality, at least for the time being, anyway.
Whilst I have dedicated a lot of time, and a lot of blog posts in exploring the deep topics concerning the nature of existence, I now need to accept that there are things which I will never understand, things which none of us will ever understand, for, the mysteries of the universe lie far beyond human comprehension.
My blog posts will remain here because, I very much believe in everything I have written but, this will be the last post under ‘Philosophy & Spirituality’ for a while. Instead, I will be working on, instead of questioning every aspect of life, accepting it, and placing my trust in the process (trust that life is happening exactly as it’s supposed to happen/as it was always planned to unfold).
Why will I be turning my energy away from questioning and into acceptance?
Because, I don’t want to be held back anymore.
I want to be able to live in the present, enjoying the little things in life without having a niggling ‘voice’ in the back of my head reminding me of how insignificant and ‘pointless’ everything is all the time.
I want to be able to feel the anticipation one gets when sitting down with a good book, or a good meal, instead of constantly overthinking how words, and food, and everything, is just a bunch of atoms.
I want to be able to spend quality time with my family, instead of constantly overthinking how there is no ‘separateness’ in life, only ‘oneness’, and therefore what we call ‘family’ is really just individual manifestations of ourselves.
I just want to overthink everything less, and live…
To stop feeling so disconnected
from my mind
society as a whole.
To avoid spending*
all of my time in search of the unknowable.
For, as I now realise,
Just knowing that there’s something out there,
something far bigger than this
(whatever ‘this‘ is),